Before I tell you about being less aggressive while still standing up for myself, I must first let you in on a little bit of background information on my life….
In 2006 I suffered a catastrophic Brain injury resulting from a fall. I had to undergo a total of twelve surgeries with SEVEN of them being life saving brain surgeries. After those surgeries the result of my fate was that I was 75% blind, completely paralyzed on my left side, and approximately 28% of my brain was removed because it was so damaged and that portion had died.
Miraculously, not only most of my vision came back but I also regained feeling/sensation on my left side again. Unfortunately there is no way to get back the portion of my brain that was removed. A critical part of my brain that was removed was the area in the brain that tells you when you are full and satisfied when it comes to eating. I never feel full….Ever!
When I left the hospital I weighed 190 lbs. Six months after that I had gained of 160 lbs and was terribly out of shape. My entire life I was always in good shape, fit and healthy. I have an older brother who was quite the opposite. He was always overweight and out of shape. The point of this background information is that for the first time in my 26 years I am fatter than he is, and he loves to let me know about it constantly. I am officially at my breaking point, and I will not tolerate being made fun of due to my disability.
This week I dialed back my aggression by turning the other cheek when faced with criticism about my weight from my older brother. My older brother is in constant need of help from me because he has a 1 year old son and no babysitter. I am always there for him because that’s what family does. I like to consider myself a “giver” rather than a “taker.” My brother is the opposite. He either has a low emotional intelligence or he just is incapable of caring about others and their feelings.
The past few months I have been thinking of ways to get back at him for constantly making comments about my rapid weight gain. I had convinced myself that I would just punch him in the face and he would learn his lesson. After reflecting on this option I realized that I am not that kind of a person, so I thought of another option. My older brother is going bald, so why not make fun of his misfortune in that sense? Again I realized I am not a mean person and I won’t stoop to his level.
My mother noticed that I was very short with my brother and I did not want to spend time or even talk to him and she asked me “what was wrong?” I told her that I was getting extremely frustrated and I was thinking about counter-acting with some extremely aggressive/hurtful behaviors. We talked about it and she said that she would confront him if it meant I would leave it alone. I accepted this solution because I was confident that maybe she could get through to him, but I also let her know that if it continued then I would be forced to stand up for myself and say “ENOUGH!”
After dialing back my aggression I feel a lot better about the whole situation. I clearly made the right choice in not compromising who I am because I was frustrated. I also realized that if I retaliated with violence or by saying hurtful things then I may cause more irreparable damage to my brother and my relationship.
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